So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I love having hate sex.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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