oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
