im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
