its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
