i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
