If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
either way he was missing a nipple.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
