At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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