His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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