I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
