i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
