He kissed a someone with a penis
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
If I die, sorry about rent.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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