Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
