I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
