where am i from again
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
