he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
