I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize