i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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