i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Can I color on your dick again?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
