just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
