I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
