never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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