A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I need to calm my uterus...
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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