I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Randomize
