DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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