I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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