I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
