Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
