I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
