She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
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