hell yes lets make some ravioli
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
