I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
