and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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