VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
