so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
