It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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