They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize