You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
