OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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