OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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