I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
