yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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