so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
4 words: hood of his car
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
