Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
