He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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