I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
