JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
