umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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