i wish peter jackson would direct porn
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
