I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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