you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Can't talk, ducks in the car
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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