Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
