How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Randomize
