I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize