is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
