And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Randomize
