the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
This toilet bowl is my home.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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