I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Is Oprah even human
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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