i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
