so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
