i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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