apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
