Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Randomize
