I seem to have left my pride at pride
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
