There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
