You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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