A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
