last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize