so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
