Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
