Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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