i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
The beer is more important than you right now.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
