I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
