Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
